Tuesday, June 9

Broken-hearted, but carrying on...

Lockdown seems to be doing strange things to people. I've realised, I really don't have a very large circle of friends, outside of work. I've tried reaching out to a few people and had some... interesting responses. Mixed messages. I am beginning to think I should revert to type; my inner introvert is screaming "Stay back, stay inside. It hurts too much when people reject you! Stop putting your heart out there, for people to trample on." She has a point. Casual remarks and missed appointments have left me in floods of tears. It's all in my head, of course, but through the magnifying glass of lockdown, what would normally be brushed off has knocked me for six.

I refuse to apologise for feeling low. This whole situation is weird beyond belief; the fact I'm not curled up in a corner somewhere, trying to sleep it out, is a miracle. I am fighting that response. I am beginning to think I dreamt my former life and imagined the existance of people outside of this house that I may have once met. The world has become very small - a weekend treat of a nice meal out and a visit to the local pub reduced to a bag of chips and beer consumed at home, a chilled shopping trip where nothing was bought but everything browsed reduced to a photography magazine and a few new pairs of socks at the supermarket. Even the weekend hoving into view makes little impression now - every day is the same when you stare at the same four walls. Despite the government's "assurances", I will be staying out of the way of covidiots as long as possible. There's only one of us bringing in any money at the moment, and that must be protected. No pressure there, then...! 

Thank goodness for the crafting. I suspect I would have gone completely doolally without it. 

I'm done adulting today. If anyone wants me, I'll be in my blanket fort, knitting. 

Current mood: depressed


SpinMeAYarn said...

Oh dear, Steel breeze, I am very sorry to read that you feel so low. I have no answer, just that yes indeed these are strange times, I too have to fight the desire to fritter away the days doing not very much. All I can say is that we probably just have to keep on keeping on, and also, Let what you do today be Enough.
Crafting is a great activity, and the progress is real and satisfying.
And now I have to hit the hay, as it really is too late to be up on the 'pruter.
Take it easy, this too will pass.
a fellow crafter (sometimes) in Ireland

Knittedbrows said...

I feel for you. It's a shame you don't live closer to me we have so much in common crafting wise. Things will improve eventually and you will look back and think why did i feel like that x

steel breeze said...

Thankyou both for your lovely comments! I get so very few of them! Hugs! xx