Broken-hearted, but carrying on...

Lockdown seems to be doing strange things to people. I've realised, I really don't have a very large circle of friends, outside of work. I've tried reaching out to a few people and had some... interesting responses. Mixed messages. I am beginning to think I should revert to type; my inner introvert is screaming "Stay back, stay inside. It hurts too much when people reject you! Stop putting your heart out there, for people to trample on." She has a point. Casual remarks and missed appointments have left me in floods of tears. It's all in my head, of course, but through the magnifying glass of lockdown, what would normally be brushed off has knocked me for six.

I refuse to apologise for feeling low. This whole situation is weird beyond belief; the fact I'm not curled up in a corner somewhere, trying to sleep it out, is a miracle. I am fighting that response. I am beginning to think I dreamt my former life and imagined the existance of people outside of this house that I may have once met. The world has become very small - a weekend treat of a nice meal out and a visit to the local pub reduced to a bag of chips and beer consumed at home, a chilled shopping trip where nothing was bought but everything browsed reduced to a photography magazine and a few new pairs of socks at the supermarket. Even the weekend hoving into view makes little impression now - every day is the same when you stare at the same four walls. Despite the government's "assurances", I will be staying out of the way of covidiots as long as possible. There's only one of us bringing in any money at the moment, and that must be protected. No pressure there, then...! 

Thank goodness for the crafting. I suspect I would have gone completely doolally without it. 

I'm done adulting today. If anyone wants me, I'll be in my blanket fort, knitting. 

Current mood: depressed